today's instant vacation...

I get *so* many funny things from my subscribers that I have a hard time each week trying to decide what to send, in my effort to stick to the goal of just one iv a week. Therefore, today I'm combining three short things that, in my way of thinking, go together in a strange way. Enjoy!

 =^..^=  =^..^=  =^..^=   
Rob Loach in Greenville SC

"My greatest fear in life is that no one will remember me after I'm dead and gone."
        ~ some dead guy
***

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You are *not* dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

***
Speaking of death...

It's always difficult to be the bearer of sad news, but I feel that you should know there has been a great loss in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" has died. What's really horrible is that they have had trouble keeping his body in the casket. They'd put his right foot in and... well, you know the rest.

***
Speaking of the Hokey Pokey...

The following is from the Washington Post Style Invitational contest that asks readers to submit "instructions" for something (anything), but written in the style of a famous person. The winning entry was "The Hokey Pokey" (as written by William Shakespeare).

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

-- not by William Shakespeare, but by Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls