Tue, 6 Jan 2004
today's instant vacation...
I haven't sent you an iv of puns for a while, so I'm sending you several I've received recently plus several of my favorites. Since one of the puns has a Middle-Eastern theme, I'm giving you a special bonus - a view of an Iraqi 250 dinar bill at http://ivman.com/dinar.html
I've seen Saddam look worse!
The bill was given to me by a friend who's currently stationed in Iraq. He was able to be home with his loved ones for two weeks at Thanksgiving. Pray for our troops!
***
quotation corner (kwotation korner?)...
I'm going to add a new, short feature to my iv's - a short quotation. The quotations will probably not be humorous, but rather thought-provoking. If you would like to send me a quotation as you run across or hear a good one, please do so by clicking reply to any iv. (All replies to iv's come to me.)
quotation:
(from church this past Sunday)
"Isn't it interesting how pride looks so ugly in everyone else?" - Dr. Drew Conley
=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob Loach in Greenville SC
Confucius say:
"Man who run in front of car get tired."
"Man who run behind car get exhausted."
***
I'll start off with my favorite pun for this time of year....
A man went to his dentist because he felt something wrong in his mouth. After examining him, the dentist asked, "That new upper plate I put in for you 6 months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replied, "All I can think of is that, about 4 months ago, my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious - Hollandaise sauce. I liked it so much, that I now put it on everything."
"Well," said the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll have to make you a new plate out of chrome."
"Why chrome?" asked the patient.
"That's simple," said the dentist. "Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
***
A supportive friend brought a woman into the hospital. The poor woman was so cross-eyed that her tears ran down her back. After some time, the doctor came back out to the woman's friend who immediately asked him, "You couldn't do anything for her, could you, Doc?"
The doctor replied, "Yes, indeed. I treated her for bacteria."
***
King Ozymndias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Crosus, the pawnbroker, to get a loan.
Crosus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the king protested. "Don't you know who I am?! I am the king!"
Crosus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
***
If you haven't yet checked out the 250 Iraqi dinar bill, you can do so at the URL I gave you in the first part of the iv. (I know some of you skip that part.) 8-)
Now on to the final pun...
***
A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor, a subsistance farmer whose wife was a weaver. "Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied, "Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."
After waiting several days, he returned for a third time. He humphed, "I suppose Fred's gone for cotton again?"
"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the local cemetery himself. Sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription:
Gone, But Not for Cotton