Wed, 05 Jan 2005
personal update...
We had a good visit with family in Michigan and Ohio, but the time was far too short. My wife, our daughter Nora, and our son Mark, and I spent several days with our daughter Megan and son-in-law Jim in the Detroit area. We did some activities that we all enjoyed and made some good memories. On our way to the home of my sister and brother-in-law, we enjoyed lunch with my wife's aunts at Wilson's in Findlay, Ohio. We had a very short visit at my sister's and were glad she invited our mom and others to spend New Year's Day with us. Megan and Jim even came down from Michigan to see everyone. At the beginning of our visit the temps were low and the snow was deep, but things thawed out nicely by the end of our time up there. We South Carolinians decided that snow is highly overrated! 8-)
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today's instant vacation...
Since some of you may have received a telephone answering machine for Christmas, I'm sending you some ideas for answering machine messages. The possibilities are almost limitless!
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quotation...
“Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.’ - William R. Inge
=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob Loach in Greenville SC
For you teenagers - Remember that you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Funny answering machine messages...
"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They do their charitable giving through their church and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
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Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep, and whoever wins will call you right back.
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I'm sorry - all of our operators are busy right now, but if you'll leave your name, telephone number, a brief message, and the time you called, we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you and have a pleasant day. (This can dissuade prank and sales callers who don't know it's really a private line.)
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Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
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So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, Leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.
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Hello. You have reached Dial-an-Unpopular-Luncheon-Meat. I am pickle and pimento loaf. Please leave me a message.
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Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? ... BEEP
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Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
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Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
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I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
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Hello... Yes, I'd like to order two medium pepperoni pizzas, please, with extra cheese... Oh, did I get the wrong number? Sorry about that. (Click.)
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This is Dan's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.
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"Hi! Now you say something."
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You have reached 555-6238. Why?
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Bridge, Kirk here.
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"Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"
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"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
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"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic, thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."
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"Hello!" (give caller sufficient time to say "hello" back...)
"Hello!" (once again give caller sufficient time to say hello back...)
"Something must be wrong with my phone again ... I can't hear you. Just go ahead leave a message when you hear the tone."
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Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
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The number you have reached, 555-0477, has been changed. The new number is 555-0477. Please make a note of it.
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"Hi. I am probably home and just avoiding someone I don't want to talk to. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
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If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."
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"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."
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Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? - Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?
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"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you."
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Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
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Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave a message when the toast is done.... (Cachunk!)
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Hello, this is WABC, and you're on the air!
(or)
Hello, and congratulations! You're caller number nine!
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(Very fast) Hi, this is 555-4344. If you'd like to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.
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This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".
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Thank you for calling 555-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
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I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like when you're listening to it...I mean like, wait, oh boy. This is confusing.
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Hi, you've reached 555-2359. We're not ... BEEP ... eht retfa egassem ruoy eveal esaelp os ,won thgir emoh ton er'eW .gnillac rof uoy knahT.
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You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
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"To speak, or not to speak, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to leave a message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of us all."