Tue, 27 Jan 2004

Thank you! (PLEASE READ)

1. First I'd like to thank those who help keep me supplied with humor to share. Sometimes I receive several copies of the same thing, but don't let that stop you from sending me stuff - I can delete proficiently! Please keep sending good quotations also - my supply of quotations is much lower than my supply of humor.  8-)

2. I would also like to thank this group on being such good sports. The best humor is based on reality and consequently is at the expense of someone else's mistakes, foibles, etc. It's soooo nice to be able to send out women jokes, men jokes, aging jokes, blonde jokes, or whatever jokes and hardly ever receive negative feedback. That makes my task as "ivman" very pleasant. Being the sensitive, 90s kind of guy that I am, I think I would be tempted to "close up shop" if I thought I was upsetting people right and left by what I send out. Thanks for rolling with the punches when the humor I send hits close to home.

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stranger than fiction...

There was a human interest story in the Greenville News this past weekend, and I thought I'd share it with you. It's about a local man who survived a stroke, but his Southern accent became a French accent! Here's the URL if you'd like to read about it:

http://greenvilleonline.com/news/2004/01/25/2004012523359.htm

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today's instant vacation...

Some of the funniest stuff is what children say. I have received several lists of kids quotes multiple times and I figure that everyone has probably seen them. But today's iv is something that hasn't made the rounds as often. Enjoy!

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quotation...

"Good words are worth much and cost little." -- George Herbert

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Rob Loach in Greenville SC

Today's signature is a quotation from a child:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill lived happily ever after.

-- Jackie (daughter of a long time ivman subscriber. She was 3 at the time she was heard saying it.)
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I think of my daughter Megan, a first-grade teacher as I send this, although anyone who has ever dressed a child in the winter can identify with this one!

A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots. He had asked her to help him and she could see why. Even with her pulling and his pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time the second boot was on, she was huffing and puffing.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" as she wanted to. And, once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner were the boots off, he said, "They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

(It's hard to believe that the teacher didn't even scream!)