personal update...

My wife Becka is leaving Wednesday of this week to go visit our daughter Megan in the Detroit area for a week. While together they hope to try to tie up some loose ends for Meg and Jim's wedding in June. Becka will get to be there for two bridal showers - one put on by the ladies at their church and a "co-ed" shower put on by Jim's family. I'll be holding down the fort here, quenching my students' thirst for knowledge and resurrecting my cooking skills. Vive la crock pot!

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today's instant vacation...

In honor of Becka's upcoming trip, I'm sending you the rules for getting along in Detroit. I think you current and former Michiganders will get a kick out of this. Hope some of you share this with your favorite Detroiter.

  =^..^=  =^..^=  =^..^=
Rob Loach in Greenville SC

Hang up and drive!!!
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Detroit Rules

1. You must learn to pronounce the city's name. It's Dih-troit, *not* DEE-troit.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules - Hold on and pray! There is no such thing as a dangerous, high-speed chase in Detroit. Everyone drives like that.

3. When asking for directions, start all directions with, "What do I look like - the Triple A?!?"

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through rush hour traffic on Jefferson  "a Scenic Drive".

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open game.

6. If you actually begin to stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot at. When you are to be "the first one off the starting line" when the light turns green, count to five before going, to avoid getting in the way of any cross-traffic not stopping for *their* red light. However, by counting to five, you risk being shot at again.

7. Schoenherr can be properly pronounced ONLY by a native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for Gratiot too. (They're pronounced shane-er and grash-it).

8. Construction and renovations on I-94, I-96, I-75 and I-275 is a way of life and permanent form of entertainment. (Aim at the road crew.)

9. All unexplained and unpleasant sights are simplified by the phrase, "I guess we're not in Kansas anymore!"

10. If someone actually has his turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect OR can be explained as "they're out-of-towners."

11. All old ladies with blue hair and driving a pink Cadillac have *total* right-of-way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 is 85, regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY.

13. The wrought iron on windows in Detroit is NOT ornamental. (DON'T get out of your car!)

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says "Keep honking, I'm reloading".

15. If you are in the left lane and going only 70 in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving "because they are so friendly in Detroit." I would suggest you duck.

16. 275/696 is our daily version of NASCAR.

17. You must turn right and go a quarter of a mile out of your way in order to make a left hand turn.

18. Drive in the right lane only to pass someone in the middle or left lane.

Drive safely and enjoy your visit!