Sun, 17 Aug 2003

today's instant vacation...

This is a special edition iv - in honor of the blackout of 2003. Since we lost power for three days this past winter during an ice storm, my heart goes out to the people who were without power the past few days.

The confluence of the blackout and the Californian lightbulb joke I altered in my last iv caused my mind to be drawn to a stockpile of lightbulb jokes in my files, and I am passing them on to you this weekend. If you just can't get enough lightbulb jokes, believe it or not, you can go to http://www.lightbulbjokes.com  I cannot vouch for everything at this site, but I'm sure you'll find at least a few good lightbulb jokes.

As a special feature for those reading this online in the archives, I'm able to insert a related cartoon before the iv:

I'll be back at you midweek with the regularly scheduled iv.

 =^..^=  =^..^=  =^..^=   
Rob Loach in Greenville SC

"He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch." - Unknown
***

~~~ Let there be light! ~~~

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just blame each other and anyone else for the lights going out!

Q: How many Elvis fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a candlelight vigil.

Q: How many procrastinators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - but he has to wait until the light is better.

Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But he has to do it while you're eating dinner.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he gets three research papers out of it.

Q: How many female opera singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. If they sing loudly enough, they'll break it.

Q: How many meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...

Q: How many first year civil engineering students does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None. That's a second year subject.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but the bulb really has to want to change.
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
A: How many do *you* think it takes?

Q: How many egotists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He holds onto the lightbulb, and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: How many paranoiacs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: WHO WANTS TO KNOW? AND JUST WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? HUH? HUH?

Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.

Q: How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to change it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.
A: Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
A: Four; one to do it and three to complain that the old bulb was a lot better.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one to declare darkness as the standard.

Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It has to be done by your local authorized dealer.
A: Seven. One to change the lightbulb and six to design the T-shirt.

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he'll swear up and down that it was just as easy for him as it would have been for a Macintosh user.

Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle....

Q: How many tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have?
A: Okay, just exactly how dark is it?
A: Okay. There could be four or five things wrong. Have you tried the light switch?

Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to fill the bathtub and another to get the elephants.

Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. One to electrocute himself and 99 to sue the electrician.

Q: How many Radcliffe girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's "Women" and it's not funny!

Q: How many politically correct people does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None. Why should we impose our values on the light bulb ? If it wishes to be a light bulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb, and three to be supportive.

Q: How many Jewish mothers in law does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! I don't mind sitting here in the dark vilst u goes out enjoying yourselves.....
A: None, they'll just sit in the dark, they know you can't be bothered to do a simple thing like change a lightbulb for them, and after all they've done for you....

Q: How many rednecks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. It takes only one person to use a hammer.

Q: How many West Virginians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to turn the old one into a planter in the front yard.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q: How many Ann Arborites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just start a "Coping With Darkness" support group.

Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

Q: How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team, and they all get three credits each for it.

Q: How many pro football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to recover the fumble.

Q: How many people from Floriduh does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Dunno ... they're still counting and recounting and recounting and....

Q: How many public opinion researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: With what degree of certainty do you need to know?

Q: How many Greenpeace researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to put in the new one and one to recycle the old one.

Q: How many environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the light bulb is out, that's the way "Nature" intended it!

A: One!
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?