Tue, 28 Dec 2004

today's instant vacation...

I thought I'd send some ideas to help you to get a jump on those New Year's resolutions. Happy New Year!

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quotation...

"If no one is able to govern himself, then who among us has the capacity to govern someone else?" - Ronald Reagan

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Rob Loach in Greenville SC

Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean
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NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year, resolutions that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you could use as a starting point:

Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

Don't exercise. Waste your time in some other way.

Read less. Reading makes you think.

Watch more TV. You don't want to miss the one good thing that comes along.

Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world's largest ball of twine.

Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

Don't have octuplets.

Get in a whole NEW rut!

Don't buy an '83 Eldorado with a really loud stereo system, tinted windows, and fur on the dashboard.

Speak in a monotone voice and use only monosyllabic words.

Wear only jeans that are 2 sizes too small, and use a chain or rope for a belt.

Don't eat cloned meat.

Create loose ends.

Get more toys.

Get further in debt.

Don't believe politicians.

Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.

Associate with even worse business clients.

Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.

Wait for opportunity to knock.

Focus on the faults of others.

Mope about your own faults.

Never make New Year's resolutions again.